Helping Your Child Learn How to Manage Peer Pressure

Tweens and teens are already dealing with a lot of change as they go through adolescence, and learning how to manage peer pressure is among the most difficult challenges they face. One important skill every adolescent should learn is how to set boundaries for themselves—outward boundaries that set limits on others' behavior toward them and inward boundaries that regulate their own behavior toward others. (If, as a parent, you had a bit of a reaction to this, not to worry. It’s natural and healthy, and in the long run, this will lead to a more well-adjusted, confident, and assertive adult.)

A few years ago, I came across a fantastic idea from Brené Brown in her book, Dare to Lead, written for leaders and aspiring leaders in settings like business or community organizations. She calls the idea the Square Squad. The exercise goes like this: you draw a small one-inch square. Inside that square, you write the names of the people whose opinions about you truly matter. When faced with criticism, harsh words, or opinions that make you feel uncomfortable, you can think, “Is this person in my Square Squad?” If they are, you take their input seriously and use it for reflection and growth. If they’re not, you let it go—because their opinion isn’t one you value deeply.

To be clear, the people in your Square Squad should be those you trust implicitly and whose opinions you respect because they care about you as a whole person. These aren’t people who tear you down to make themselves feel better, nor are they people who only tell you what you want to hear. They are people who value your vulnerability and success, who will confront you with honesty and kindness when you’re not at your best, and who will support you in becoming the best version of yourself.

What I love about this idea for teens and tweens is that it teaches them about personal boundaries in a constructive and empowering way during a time of significant upheaval and self-discovery. The Square Squad exercise is a powerful tool not just for kids who might aspire to leadership roles, but for every preadolescent navigating the complexities of friendships, peer pressure, and self-worth.

At Lighthouse Pediatrics, I prioritize the emotional and relational health of my patients, especially during these formative years. During Well Checks for middle schoolers, I love introducing concepts like the Square Squad to help them navigate the jungle of their social lives with confidence and clarity. By encouraging teens and tweens to develop their own Square Squad, I aim to equip them with tools that foster resilience, self-awareness, and healthier relationships—helping them feel supported and empowered as they grow into confident, compassionate young adults.